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You might be a Scoutaholic if:
You can fit more camping gear in the trunk of you little commuter car than most guys can fit in their full-sized trucks
You get to that monday morning meeting at the office and can't remember which hand to shake.
You don't know how to cook for fewer than twelve.
You roast a mini-marshmallow on a paper clip over a candle; then put it on a golden graham with one chocolate chip, just to get the flavor.
You hope your employer will send you on another business trip soon, because you're running out of little bottles of shampoo.
You carry your own toilet paper everywhere you go.
At least half of your wardrobe is Khaki-Tan or Olive-Drab.
Every time you sit in front of the TV, your hands are busy sewing on scout badges and hemming your new uniform pants.
Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves shoes, a flashlight, and a shovel, and you have to take your own TP with you.
People ask to hunt in your front yard
Your checks feature a fleur-de-lis, the BSA logo, scenes from your favorite scout camps, or Norman Rockwell scout paintings.
Your front door has a zipper instead of a dead-bolt.
Your last birthday cake was prepared and served in a dutch oven.
Your 'family vacation' includes at least 10 kids your spouse doesn't know.
Your children know the scout law (backwards and forwards) before they learn their A B Cs.
Instead of building a fence around the yard with nails and wood, You lash it with poles and rope.
You take the family on vacation, and you stop at the Scout office to pick-up a tour permit.
You have your local BSA office or scoutshop on speed dial.
Your computer password is 'TLH FCK OCT BCR' or your Woodbadge course number.
You limit the patches and pins you wear because you don't want to be mistaken for a Christmas tree.
More than one third of your annual income is spent at the scout shop, donated to the BSA endowment funds, or spend on equipment for scouting activities.
You open letters with a pocket knife.
You tie up your little brother and he can't get loose.
You wear two pair of socks and a beanie to bed.
You won't let your neighbors use your pool unless they have someone who is Safe Swim Defense certified, and they have a BSA certified lifeguard.
You know at least 3 boys who all refer to the same rock as 'the poop rock', and all have used it multiple times.
You cannot walk by a piece of trash without picking it up.
All your dishes are either enamel-ware or lightweight aluminum, and they all have your name on them.
Your idea of a burned-out lightbulb is a broken mantle.
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them the insignia on your shirt
A keg party is where you serve home-made root beer.
You think smores is one of the 4 basic food groups.
You go to a pot-luck dinner with a bunch of your friends and half of the food was cooked in a dutch-oven. Half of the rest was cooked over a wood fire.
The sons of all your friends are not allowed to drive until they earn their Eagle, and you are disappointed when you see them drive without earning Eagle.
Your council office and/or the National BSA offices limit you to 1 call per day.
You're careful when you untuck your shirt to catch all the backs that have come off from the pins you wear.
People think they are not qualified to associate with you because they didn't earn the Eagle Scout rank.
You haul a can of paint to the top of a water tower, and it has nothing to do with defending your sisters honor, but more to do with helping a friend earn his Eagle
Your camping equipment is always packed in your backpack, and you can be ready to leave in 10 minutes.
When the neighbor cuts down their dead tree, they offer it to you for your next camping trip, or they offer you the scrap wood from their repair or remodeling jobs.
When the neighbor boy needs a new uniform, they come to you instead of the scout shop or thrift store
You frequent the local thrift-shops in search of usable uniforms, although you already have more than you could ever wear.
Your spouse makes your favorite meal for your birthday, and it is wrapped in aluminum foil.
Your son hides his copy of Boys Life from you so that he can get a chance to read it.
You started planning and saving for the 2010 Centennial Jamboree prior to 2000..
Your Christmas gifts include a dutch oven, dutch oven cookbooks, a dutch oven lid-lifter, a charcoal chimney, and various other camping gadgets - and you have not been the Scoutmaster for over 5 years.
Your first thought about a Major holiday dinner is, "How can I do it all in Dutch Ovens?".
Wearing a tie instead of a neckerchief feels strange
You're taking an EMT course, and you've taught most of the first aid skills longer than the instructor and many of your fellow students have been alive.
Your family vacations are like a Scout outing. You create an itinerary, assign grubmasters, post a duty roster, cook in dutch ovens or prepare backpacking meals, and set up your kitchen like a patrol kitchen (complete with the 3 tub wash method).
Your email address includes at least one of the following words: scout, scouter, cub, eagle, OA, order, arrow, venture, camp, hike, climb, outdoor, chapter, lodge, council, district, BSA, advisor, beaver, bobwhite, eagle, fox, owl, bear, buffalo, and/or antelope.
Your Christmas manger scene on the mantle includes a beaver, bobwhite, eagle, fox, owl, bear, buffalo, and/or antelope.
You take the 'red-eye' flight home from your business meetings so that you can be back in time for camp.
You can't remember which committee meeting you are attending (pack, troop, crew, district, council, camp, etc.), but it doesn't matter, because you have the right notebook in your car anyway.
You are in a scout uniform in your social media profile picture.
Your Facebook friend list is mostly people who you met through scouting and/or their profile picture shows them in a scout uniform.
The MC at a fine-arts performance calls for a round of applause and you are the only one in the room whose clapping is done in a circle.
You don't have to buy a pine scented air freshener for your car. The annual Christmas Wreath fundraiser leaves your car smelling pine-fresh all winter without need of artificial scents.
You didn't mind losing power to your house for three days. It would take at least two weeks for your portable light, cooking, heating, and cooling equipment to get tiresome.
You don't have time for internet porn, because you are addicted to too many scouting websites.
Your local council doesn't offer a Jamboree travel package to your liking, so you call the neighboring five councils and join their contingent instead.
Parents of the newest Eagles ask you how to plan a Court-of-Honor, rather than asking the current unit leaders.
You call the national BSA office with your newest program or patch idea, and they actually listen.
Your Christmas card photo was a family picture of the entire family in their scouting uniforms.
Your BSA license plate has outlasted the car that you originally purchased it for.
You and your boss attend the monthly Eagle Scout networking lunch together.
You design your own patch to trade at Jamboree.
There are ten or more merit badges that you have instructed so many times that you have all your supplies and materials ready to teach them at a moments notice, and you have the requirements memorized for all of them.
You proudly accept the Eagle Mentor pin from the son of the first boy who ever presented you with an Eagle Mentor pin.
Your district advancement chairman knows your unit so well that he notices Eagle paperwork from your unit and has already penciled-in the Eagle Board of Review for your favorite time before contacting you.
You know where to find a local scout office in all the cities where your relatives live.
You buy a Chevrolet Caprice strictly for the fleur-de-lis hood ornament.
Your home decor includes what some would consider a "shrine" with neckercheifs and patrol photos.
You regularly wear a drinking cup clipped to your belt.
You are one of three scouters at your roundtable meetings that are older than the insignia on your uniform.
Your were married at a scout camp, the bride and groom on top of the cake were in scout uniforms, you refer to the reception as a court-of-honor, and/or you gave out a patch as a wedding favor.
All the cookie cutters in your collection are paw prints, fleur-de-lis, or animal heads.
The only t-shirts in your drawer have camp or scouting logos on them.
You change into your uniform in the car because you don't have time to go back up to your office, and you have to go straight to a scouting meeting, or you wear your uniform to work all day.
Your special occasion table cloth is made of the Maclaren tartan.
You raise your hand in the scout sign at a heated business meeting.
You make a concerted effort to stop by the local Council office in every city you visit, or drive through, or get close to when you travel.
You walk past five food vendor booths at the stadium to support the local OA lodge.
You order a meal at a restaurant, or see a dish prepared on FoodNetwork, and think, "now how could I make this in a Dutch Oven?"
You have stayed up through the entire night preparing for a scouting activity to be held the next morning.
You know what SM, ASM, CM, MC, DL, MBC, SPL, ASPL, PL, APL, DC, JASM, VC, TC, SL, TG, PLC, RT, VH, WB, YPT, BALOO, OLS, COH, BOR, POR, and ESLSP all stand for.
You say 'The Hill', 'Gilwell', or 'Philmont' without mentioning cities, states, or countries and you expect everyone to know what you are talking about.
You've actually said things like, "It's OK I'm an Eagle Scout", or "I know what I'm doing, I'm an Eagle Scout".
Directions to your 'house' include phrases like: 'Turn off the pavement at milepost 27', 'just after the 3rd stream crossing', 'leave your car at the trailhead', 'past the waterfall', 'around the lake', 'Under the oak tree', ...
You know every dent and ding in your car, and you know on which dirt-road the dent/ding was acquired. You can even remember which dirt-road each of your mismatched hubcaps came from.
You are 4th on a waiting list for the state to issue the 'SCT MSTR' or 'SCOUTER' license plate, and you know all three people who are ahead of you on the list.
Your favorite bank is the grassy area at the side of a stream.
Your favorite frangrance is 'Deep Woods Off'.
You have so many badges of office, that you can't possibly wear them all.
Your scouts say things like, "You can't move until my little brother finishes his Eagle", and the little brother is only nine years old.
The executive officer of your sponsoring organization only knows you as the scout leader.
Your scouting books account for at least one third of your entire personal library.
The only book you have ever read was written by Robert Baden Powell.
You have a different scout shirt for each scouting position you hold so you don't have to change patches around, or you attach your patches with velcro so they can be easily changed.
The greatest philosopher, or leader who ever lived was either Robert Baden Powell, or your Scoutmaster. You can't decide which.
You pull things out of the garbage because you can use it to make ... for scouts.
You can't have a conversation longer than 10 minutes unless the subject involves scouting.
You can't decide which color shoulder loops to wear to your district roundtable meetings, or you wear at least 3 colors concurrently.
The next square knot you hope to earn a) will take twenty years to earn, and/or b) requires a life to be endangered so you can save them.
Your filing cabinet has 3 drawers of scouting files and only 1 drawer of personal files, or you have to buy a new file cabinet because the scout files are overflowing the existing one.
Your first priority when reading your email is the scouting emails, you have a special email folder for filing your scouting emails, and/or after reading a scouting email you mark it as 'unread' to remind you to come back and read it again.
You've spent years going to every training weekend they offer, but still spend 3 weekends a month doing leadership training.
You need a new truck, with an extended cab and a full size bed so you can carry the scouts and the gear. (Oh, and maybe occasionally use it for your family.)
You know the age of all the neighbor boys by which scouting family they are involved with, and you can't remember the girls names, let alone their ages.
You know the birthdays of everyone in your scout troop, but can't remember your mother-in-laws birthday.
You know the council and scout shop staff on a first name basis.
Monthly Pack meeting conflicts with your weekly troop meeting, and you have to decide which to attend. After all, you are in charge of both.
You spend more time doing scout paperwork, than balancing your checkbook.
The most expensive clothes you own are your scout uniform(s).
Every time you go to the scout shop you a) answer another customers question, b) spend at least $30, c) tell the shop staff where to find something, and/or d) take at least 30 minutes to browse the same shelf you memorized last time you were in.
Your computer is used mostly for a) scout advancement tracking software, b) scout finances, c) writing your scout unit newsletter, d) visiting the council website, and/or e) visiting Scoutaholic.com
You ignore the family newsletter when it arrives, but you read the Scouting magazine and/or Boys Life cover-to-cover every month.
You've held your current scouting position longer than you have held your last three jobs.
You can't park in your garage, because the scouting equipment is in the way.
The only quality time you get with your family is when they join the scout unit.
You have just enough vacation time to earn the Year-Round Camping award, but not enough for a family vacation.
A stranger asks for directions to a public restroom and you hand him a trowel and a roll of TP
Derby Day has nothing to do with Kentucky or horses. It's all about a 5 oz block of wood and a ramp.
You can actually start a fire by rubbing two sticks together.
A trip to Philmont is a pilgrimage.
You can imagine hiking 50 miles -- heck, you did it already while carrying a 40 pound backpack.
The first thing you do at the beginning of the school year is look at your schedule and see which classes can help you earn merit-badges. Then you take a copy of the requirements and a merit badge councilor application to the teacher.
You can tie a load down (on a trailer, truck, or car) and it stays down -- not only that, you can do it faster than those other guys.
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